BBs Diary.

I took Yuki out for a meal.
It was going great, untill Ol'Shuck turned up, in a new form.
Stupid mut.
Although, its not a mut anymore. Its a girl.
A really annoying girl that won't leave me alone.
Her names dark.
She decided to gate crash our....date, and call the police in on me.
Come on?
Do I not get a single days rest?

Anyway, After all that was done.
We headed back to Wammys.
I got her some Fizzy laces.
She always liked those.

We've grown a little closer through all this.

Dangerous as it is.

I'm enjoying this little...
game.

What a strange day.
I get to see Gray, Echo, Yuki, Kay, Mello, Matt, Near and BeyondCare.
Gray started to tease me again. Tch. Naughty Gray.

I went to get some new equiptment for my lab, when i got back Mello was in wammys.
Grr.
Wasn't all bad though, I mean, i did get to take the piss ALOT.
Bahahaha.
He and Matt..
All those years ago...
Near knows now.
He was disturbed by it.
Matt rang Mello, and popped by. So I made sure to bring it up again.
They both left quickly.

Later Yuki walked in and hugged me, infront of Gray. I think she knew what she was doing.
Gray went to bed.
I feel a little bad.
But, i must continue.

Me and Yuki talked for hours.
I decided to leave a mark on her as i went to bed.
I kissed her on the cheek, i could feel warmth building in her skin as i kissed it.
Guess she enjoyed it.

Then i went to bed.

Urgh tired.
Night diary.

[Hidden]

Well...
Tonight was...
interesting...to say the least.

I mean, i had another 'encounter' with Yuki today.
We're pretending to be enemies...
Pfft.
Its fun.
I said I was going to buy all the fizzy laces and eat them infront of her as torment.
This made her follow me.
In reality, i wanted her to come with me.

We ended up...
By the river...
That river...
That very river...
Soo..We got very very drunk.
Well, she did.
I Was the one eating, so I had control.

We managed to stumble across the den we made there when we were running away.
It still had our..Supplies in it.
All stored in a metal box.
If you evr find a tree saying B <3 Y ...thats the entrence.
Weird how the world works.

I think Yuki had a little more, than de ja vu that night.

I think she is shifting. Her emotions towards me are becoming more apparent.
Its kind of nice really.

She cannot rememeber a thing of last night.
Sooo...I told a little lie.
If she says anything about what we did.
I planted it in her head.
And of course, made it seem like it by umm..laying down a few props.
God i'm evil.

The power of alchohol.
It is amazing.

We decided, since it was still raining out, to stay in the den and sleep.

I think it made her emotions fell even stronger.

I can do all this, and still stay Faithful, to the ones who I really care about.

An innocent trip to the shops turned into somethign far greater today.
I now have to go out in a mask, because of the high risk of me being arrested.
I'll have to change my tactics soon, because they will catch on.

Anyway, I walk past an alley way, on my way to the grocery store.
There was alot of noise and muffled screams.
Soo, being as curious as I am.
I went to check it all out.

It was Kay', she was clearly in danger, so I did what i do best.

I got the guys away from her...

Yeahh...

Then picked up her weak...and slightly exposed body, then proceeded to the local doctors.

Let me tell you; You get weird looks if your covered in blood, holding a girl who is half naked and almost bleeding to death and walk into a place where alot of old, local residents seem to spend most of there time. The doctors.

Anyway, they fixed her up, and then found that what they'd done to her, made her pregnant, really damn fast.

Mine don't work that fast.





...

So anyway, I am thinking its her issues with time. She says she was from the 18th century, after Death enslaved her and dragged her around.

I hate to think what the baby will look like if time works that quick for her.

I'm sure it will be lovely...

Ehehe..

Hmm, what else happened?
Oh yes...
I got my balls kicked in, AGAIN.

Seriously guys, your gunna turn me into a freakin' woman at this rate.

Lay off me will you.

This happened because S And K rang up Echo, and she out them on loud speaker, so I told them a few truths....mainly about Mello.
I heard S just go "Woooo!" or something, but K seemed a little more concerned.
Haha, was funny.

Anyway. Echo is leaving to find them in France.
I gave her my Colt, and some customised Bullets to help her along the way.

You never know what kind of people you'll run into...

Thing that bothers me, is that she said all this information out loud, infront of Ally, the well known Wammy's leaker, who i suspect to be Smilez...
I'd say the probability of her being smilez is...around 30%...


Either way, i told her to be careful, have a safe trip and gave her a hug!

She had to keep Matt away from her somehow.
So she fired shots at him, purposely missing.

He squeeled.

What a pancy.

Either way, that was my day.

Yuki loves me.

Soon, dear diary.
Just be patient.
It will all be over soon...

You think I'm crazy?
You think I'm unstable?
You think that locking me away in a cell is going to change anything?
Make things better?
Stop what I have done?
And what I plan to do?

Walls can't hold me and my influence back.
You can't stop Death, its natural.
If you stop something natural from happening, bad things happen.

I have cheated Death many times, but I am not afraid of dying.
It wasn't my time.

I feel it is near though.

Sometimes, when you've seen and been the cause of Death, you know what the build up feels like.

First, you do a bad thing.
I broke Yuki's heart. Payback. Revenge. The bitch.

Then, you plan your future around the outcome of that bad thing.
I get myself arrested.

Then you shock the world, and they think your some kind of demonic, poltergeisty, ghost.
I kill from within my padded cell. I kill people over the world.
You cannot stop a ghost.

You can't stop something that doesn't excist.

You can try, but you will indeed fail.

I believe now, that Yuki Matsuma (Viper - Also known as Myst in Wammys House) enjoyed turning me in. A little revenge for me breaking her fragile little heart.

Pfft!

Go back to crying on Smilez shoulder, Viper.

I know you wil contact her, and tell her all about the pain, and then your little revenge act. Then Smilez will email me, trying to be patronising. Predictable.

Its funny.
Its the one day that I say I'm sorry to Lilly. I placed a rose on her gravestone...
I guess there is a part of me thats capable of loving a child...Its just shy and monotomous.
It does express its self until its too late.

I guess the other side of me is becoming to over-powering...
I wonder if thats the reason I die...

My two sides conflict...And destroy one another....

Yes, perhaps I am a litle crazy.
Maybe a little unstable...
But let me tell you this, I am more than just a man.

And I hope you enjoy reading this.
The more I disturb you, the more it amuses me.

Now I must get back to murdering people with my finger tips!
Expect no finger prints to be avaliable to you.

Wow...
Believe it or not...I am dead.

I am talking to you from beyond the grave!
Scared yet?
You should be, don't make me haunt you.
Crazy, nosey bitchs, who read my diary.
I know who you are!!!

But back to the point.
I died today.
So did Nariko.
So did some other people that I killed.

The last one is un-important.

Either way, Nariko.
Yes. The crazy bitch.
But the crazy bitch with a heart.
I know, i found it shocking too.

She left me a letter after finding out i was on death row.
She then pulled the pin on a grenade and popped it in her mouth.

The letter stated that I was the only reason she was left here on this earth, and without me, there was no point...

I feel kind of bad for the way I have treated her, but you know...She's dead now. No point dwelling on the dead.

I got out of that cell twice today.

Once with Ls help, and some poisonous toxins which knock me out cold...but make me puke when i wake up... May need to clean up Niomies lab now...
And the second time was when Steve tried to help.

I said it was a rather bad dream, but after some confirmation from a very teary eyed Gray, i found out that it was reality.

I died.

I never knew how much he really cared. Its kind of sweet.
Then again, i never knew how much L and Nariko cared either.
Nore Steve.

Steve accidently killed me with his injection, but now the world believes i have been executed.

I guess it helped in the end.

I became a shinigami.
A rather awesome looking one...But thats just my opinion.

I followed the shinigami king, down to earth, to find Steve again?

He wanted to play a game with him.
That guy has some odd ideas.
As smart as he is...I think he's slowly loosing it in his head.
But alas, i must thank him.

He played chess, if he checkmated the kings king...I got my life back.

And guess what...

He bloody won!


So, here I am.
Back to reality...
Not sure how it happened,
Apparently onions make Gray cry,
And apparently Steve watched my DVDs..

...
Lets hope he didn't watch them all..

If he did, I don't think he would of saved my life.

Lets just hope for the best.

What a difference a day makes...
That famous phrase was just lured into my mind.

I have spent alot of time in the attic laterly. I met a new girl named Candy.
She seems cool.
Gray, Echo, Smilez and Demeris were in the attic aswell.

I managed to become mentally unstable, go back to normal, then go crazy again.
An average day in my life.
What you gunna do?
Rue and Bee keep arguing in my head. Its bloody annoying.
My schitzophenia has started to becoem out of hand. I end up givign in and letting one of them, normally Rue, take over to shut him up for a little while.
He has so much blood lust.
Bee is timid behind Rue's infleunce.
I killed some guy that attacked Demeris, he stabbed me int he back, but his spine made a nice substitute for a scarf...

I ended up turning lycan and attacking Smilez.
Well, Rue attacked her.
But i'm cool with it.
She's a Neko/Vixie bitch.
I don't care.
I eat these bastards for breakfast.

I broke her arm, and watched the bone rip up through erh skin.
It was wonderfully gruesome!!
Rue, you entertain me so.

Anyway, I went out of the attic finally.
I met a new kid named Tiger, and a new girl named Primrose.
She is a strange one, she walks around with a whip....
Yes...a whip...

We had a little..moment with the notice board.
Me and Gray had a little fight with the pen.
He wrote that I loved Roger. HE'S A PAEDOPHILE!
i swear!!
Ewww!!!
icky!
So wrong!
Just no!

Anyway...
Nariko, Gray, Tiger, Primrose, Steve and I were all Sat there, in the hallway.
Then Steve just went crazy!
We dragged him up to the solitary confinement.
I discovered that he also has split personalities.
Awww, Someone to share my maddness!!

I think I killed a guard...
He was annoying!!!

So yeh...
That was my day...

Long and blood soaked....

Come on Gray.
Get to bed.

I HATE MY LIFE!


Why must you all create mayhem in my life? Do it to someone else for once you bastards! Why me?
Do you want me to finally tie the knot....


Around your neck...

Want me to kill you all?

I am sticking up for the wammys students for now, but anymore this shit, then i'm going to kill every fucking one of you.

No more experiements.
No more promiscous teachers with whips...
No more 'i did it because I was sexually attracted to you' SHIT.
No more abuse.
No more 'A'...for that matter.

Because your ruining my life.
Your ruining me.
Your ruining my marriage.
And I don't give a shit who you are...
Do it again...
And I will fucking kill you in ways you cannot imagine...

Now...Time to find Steve for som Help with this little mess i'm in..

Today, i believed would start out like any other, but like most days like this, something interesting always happens...
Never a quiet day in my life, but if its with Gray, it doesn't matter.

We were sorting out the books from my room, i wished to make room for Gray, so he could move in completely, and not live out of MY draws....
Not that i mind that much.

Anyway, I got a postcard from Echo, it was nice to hear from her. I am glad she is okay.
But yes, Gray walked off in a piss. I thought the post card made him jealous or something. But i am glad thats not the case.

Anyway, I went into the garden, to find him sitting on his own in the cold.
He was reading something, so I questioned what it was.

...
It was a list i'd written when i was younger, before I started being with Gray.
I can't believe I'd written something like that.
Stupid teenage fantasies and fufillments.
It was a list of women whose virginity i owned.

Gray was pissed off because he wasn't on it.
He thought that because he was a guy, i thought it didn't count.

My real reason is because when i was with him, I didn't think of shit like that, I didn't see him as an object that i owned.
I completely forgot about the list, because he was always on my mind.
I guess it proves it.
He wasn't on the list, because he didn't need to be.
The list had ended at Gray,
No one else would be added.
He was the last person.
The only one.
I love you Gray.


After this little fiasco...
He teased me, perhaps i started it by joking around, i called him sensei...
So...
He decided to re-en act that day.
That first time.

It was a good night.
Such, a good night.

We have a new years resolution, which diary, you will be hearing about int he future...
hehehe....
It going to be VERY....fufilling...
Fun fun fun!

Have you ever walked along the street and had a kid stop, look at you, then run off crying?
That happened to me today...
I just got off the train, and was feeling a little gross, sure. But to be scared of me?

Diary, I have not wished to write in you, nor have I had the chance.
I appaul myself.
I am ashamed of myself.
I am scared...Of myself.
My mind, and my emotions.

All i do in the end is bring pain, not only to others, but also myself.

Paris, one month ago?
It never happened.
Ask Echo. I was never in Paris...
I was trapped here..

With my stupid, old lists which cause conflict between me and Gray, my photo's of lost friends which make me depressed and worst of all..Stuck with myself...Being depressed and argumentative.
I fear one day soon i'll just flip. Give up. Tie the knot.
Kill myself.
Or everyone else.

I'd be alone...
Never happy,
never sad.
Nothing.

Like It used to be....


I hate the concept of emotions.

Good night.

As soon as the wall falls, new kids arrive.
I met a guy named Natsu today, his name sounds familiar.
Meh.
Then there was this other guy, whose name is a little more complicated but it think it wasa something like Aletra.
He was a real...
Well, he was a bitch.
He can manipulate blood and bones and decided i was too boring for him.
So he messed with me.
He wanted to hear more about me and Gray...
Natsu seemed to defend Gray.
How do I know that name!?

I am still recovering from the little mess Niomie got mt into the other day, but then again, I guess it was my fault. Don't give a 8 year old drugs. Ahaha.

What? She's my sister, I can mess her up.

There was one small thing, what was it?
Oh yeah.

We blew up the houses of parliement.

Only a small thing.
Was an amazing sight.
I rigged the train lines with highly potent explosives and then decorated the mass destruction with fireworks.

Was a memorable night.

I got everyone from Wammy's to watch from the roof of an onlooking building.
They stood in amazment, shock, horror.

But me and Gray..
It was romatic.
I did it for him.
He wanted an explosion, he got one.

Its happened.
Its finally happened.
Its over.
Gray got his revenge.
And it was more equal than he thought.
Sleeping with Natsu and Schitz?
Cheating.
Lying.
Unfaithful.
Equal.
I've done the same to you.
But the difference is, i tried to hide it, tried to forget my sin.
Tried to ignore it, forget it, pretend it never happened.

How did this all happen?
Lets just say, I haven't kept all my diary entries in mmy diary. Some are missing.
You cannot see.

I was in jail, since i was caught at the scene of a crime, which was commited by Dare. Stupid git.

I'd not eaten in 5 days, so Dare brought me something to eat....
However, he thought it'd be funny to envoke my animal side...
He brought me some slobby American guy to eat.
Funny.

However, i was starving.
I envoked my wolf side, and tore him apart.
It made Gray angry.
Real angry.

I said I was sorry.

Guess it wasn't enough.

He cheated on me.

And now...
I don't know what to do. How do I contain myself?
The caged away side of me has just revealed itself.
The merciless, cold blooded killer. Death.

I almost killed everyone.
Everyone present at the time i turned anyway.
Natsu, Cho, Niomie, Echo.
Natsu left after I attacked him and Cho out of rage.
I almost murdered Echo, but she got to me, through the layer of rage.
She saved everyone.

I have one issue now.
How do I control my rage? It keeps popping up.
Releasing itself, spilling blood and ruining lives.

I am a monster now...

Keep away from me Gray.I don't know if i'll kill you or not....

Its over.
Everything is gone.
I sit here now, in the attic alone. I don't want to see people, talk to them, smell them or breath them.
I destroyed something beautiful.
Something I cherished, loved and adored.
I ruined everything.
I'm left with nothing once again.
Amaya was right, I do destroy everything I touch.
First her, Lilly and now Gray.
He's dead.
He killed himself.
How was I so naive!?
I can't believe it happened. It was so fast, i couldn't do anything.
I didn't get a chance to say i was sorry, and that i still loved him.
My stupid selfish mind has corrupted everything i live for.

I'm sorry Gray, I don't think I can forgive myself for this...
I just want to stop this pain, but Natsu said I will live through this pain, i caused. I will endure and see it until the day I die...

I'm sorry Gray. I really am.
I lied to you, cheated on you. I never deserved someone like you. Maybe its better this way. You don't have to put up with a mess like me anymore, you can sleep peacefully now.
No matter how much i miss you, cry for you and mourn you, your better off without me.

I say again;
I'm sorry...

I never meant to hurt you.

I want to breath smoke.
I want to just leave.
But I don't think I could bare it.
I can't risk anyone else I love, dying.
Dying because of me and my selfish urges, or my reputation.

I've not eaten in days, I had to drink water yesterday to stop myself from dying.
I am weak now. I no longer have the strenght that drove me foward.
Echo made me eat a lollipop yesterday because she was worried, but I just felt sick after it.
She cheered me up though, then uh..Passed out for some reason.
I had to take her back to her room.

Life is a cruel mistress.

One minute your happy, your on top of the world, then the next, your in the deepest depths of Hell itself. Or maybe its just me. The world has an undying grudge about my existance. Perhaps it was because I was born with Shinigami eyes. I'm not accepted. Everytime I attempt at acceptance, It just gets pushed back in my face, and crushed with heavy boots.

I believe I saw Amaya yesterday. Even those who die, come back to haunt me in the end. I am slowly deterioating. I think its becoming visable.
Maybe I will get to escape.
If I am dead, I won't need to worry.
I am the main cause of misery in this house.
What if I just disappeared?

-B

My my...Its been a while. Heh...
I suppose I should start documenting this..Its important.
I never mentioned to you before, my work in the underground market. I am the one, the boss the keeper. I am a criminal As before. A wealthy, feared leader, a arms dealer, a black market, a drug market anything...the government can't get rid of us, they need us. Little do the public know of course. Ever since we corrupted the parliament and...well broke it apart, literally, they cower at our feet. My feet. They turned to drugs, they linger in the shadows, they follow behind us like sheep. Just how it should be.
Ha! Stupid bastards.
Aliah is my wing woman....
Aliah..
I will not get started on this yet diary. You are not ready for it. Maybe i will explain at a later time.
I will explain everything when I feel you're ready for it.

Anyway, i need to keep you up to date.

There is a new notebook that's been discovered...
EVEN after me and Steve did a bloody damn good job and disposing of every last one of them. We must find the shinigami's somehow.
Germany. We are going to Germany. The deaths have happened in one town, all the pepple seem to be related in minimal ways. Clearly the Notebook user is an idiot. An easy target. We are unsure if they have made the eye deal yet, but i will be the one to spot the user out of the crowd.
We just need to find clues, see what the victims were like, whittle it down bit by bit.
Find them.
Arrest them.
Give them the justice they deserve.
Death.
Pain.
Anguish.
What fun...
As long as Sunday stays the fuck away from me, I , along with Steve and Aliah will get this sorted out quickly.
He is such a cocky bastard. Get the hell away from me, my chance at being a detective again and stop getting int he way and wanting to be a big shot. You say you have the skills, but you are complaining like a child. Before we'd consider you. GROW THE FUCK UP....Stupid prick.

I wanna thank Gray for distracting him when we left for Germany...
We can start this investigation in peace without anyone fucking it up.
Aliah will be undercover..I WILL be scouting out with my old friend, the 50 cal barrett sniper and Steve....does what he does.

I best get back to researching.
This is the start of something big.
I can feel it in my Blood.
This won't be as easy as it seems.....

Dear Diary,
Its been a while hasn't it.
I have not only neglected you, but everyone I know by leaving.
I apologize for what I have done, and What will happen because of my actions.
This town is quiet for now, but soon I fear the worst.

He is coming.
Not alone.
With his army.
And he is coming for everything I have worked so hard to protect.